Where Is Our Focus

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I’m trying to stop writing so much about myself.  However, transparency of myself seems to be what God is giving me.  As stated in the past, my goal is to launch my business plans in addition to becoming a published author.  All of that is fine and doable.  But there is a scripture that is like a go to scripture for me.  I’ve discussed this scripture several times with my wife to encourage her, and sometimes myself as well.  Though somehow, I lost sight of the truth of said scripture. 

Matthew 6 speaks a lot about worry.  It talks about how we don’t have to worry because God will take care of us.  But there is a verse in Matthew 6 that to me is a staple.  It speaks specifically on what we should do to not have worry cloud or vision and judgment.  That verse is Matthew 6:33.  In the Amplified Bible it reads: But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His Kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right – the attitude and character of God), and all of these things will be given to you also.

So again, my moment of honesty.  I have a desire to change the life of my family.  I want to provide for them in a way that allows each of them to freely pursue every dream they have in life and not have to worry about money.  Which is not a bad desire to have.  I also want everything that I do to be setup in such a way that others can follow their dreams easier.  Again, nothing is wrong with that dream.  So, what is the issue?  The issue is that in the past few months, I’ve focused more on establishing my business and publishing my books, than I have on my devotion to God.

Actually, if I can be completely honest, my devotion to God has been subpar for many years now.  I wish I could give you a great explanation as to why my devotion has been subpar, but I can’t.  It just has been.  At one point in life, I would get up every morning and go straight to my Bible to read.  I’d write/pray and just commune with God.  But somehow, somewhere, I got laxed.  And it really weird, because the desire is there, but the action isn’t.  As I type this, I guess ultimately it’s like exercise.  One has to start and chose to be consistent even on the days that one doesn’t “feel like it”. 

I have a starting point.  The dreams that I have will come to pass, because He gave them to me.  The journey will however be more smooth, if I commit to and follow Matthew 6:33. 

Love you, be blessed – AWS

UnMuted

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In Alicia Keys voice, “Moment of honestly!”  As a writer, I’ve lost myself.  One may ask how can one lose their self in such a manner?  It’s simple really.  I ask God for the gift writing many years ago.  The purpose was to keep me from losing my mind because I was close.  In Him granting my request the condition was for me to write whatever He gave me to write, how He gave it to me to write.  In the beginning, that is what I did.  I was completely free, writing freely.  Concerns of others’ thoughts and opinions never impacted me. 

In the beginning, my purest unfiltered thoughts were written in my notebooks. I was really getting acclimated with writing at the time, and I wrote just for the sake of doing so. Then it occurred to me, when I transition, someone will find or inherit my notebooks, and read my purest and truest.  So, I decided to slowly mute myself.  I stopped writing names, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  But the unfortunate process of muting myself had begun. 

Presently speaking, one can say that I am in the phase of building an audience.  I want others to like and love the work that my hands produce through the help of God.  So, the newest mute is trying to write without offense.  This process actually hurts and makes me not want to write at all.  Additionally, that was not the condition to receiving the gift of writing.  God said, write what I put in your heart.  He never said that everything that I wrote would be roses, unicorns, and rainbows.  He put a word in my spirit years ago, and the word describes me well.  That word is ABERRATION.  In short, it means, not typical, different from the norm. 

In writing, God wants me to be who He created me to be.  That is a non-traditional, unorthodox, thinker, who writes without having to care about the thoughts of others.  That doesn’t give me a license to be rude or disrespectful, but it gives me permission to write truth whether people like it or not.  Because I started caring about the opinions and sensitivities of others, I have again muted myself.  I’m connected to people and organizations that may frown upon the words that I have to share.  There could be a backlash.  Thoughts like this have polluted my mind.  As a result, there have been several pieces that I have written, that express the purest thoughts, that I let fade to the back because I was worried about how the audience would receive it.  Or even worse, there are thoughts that I didn’t pen at all due to the fear of the backlash.  I can’t do that any longer.

I have to be true.  I can no longer be muted.  The feeling of being muted is what prompted me to ask for the gift of writing in the first place.  So how dare I intentionally mute myself!  The more I shift my focus on being a published author, the more I feel the need to be free, to be true.  As always, I hope that everyone loves, what I write, though I know that is not reality.  However, I ask all that read to respect the thought.  And if that begets conversation, then my job as a writer has been done.  Greater things to come!

Love you, be blessed! – AWS

Needed You

Paraphrased
In the beginning
God created the world
And everything in it
In studying that process
God was extremely meticulous
In all that He put His mind and Word to
He reviewed His work
Said
This is good
              But this alone won’t due
Again
Reviewing all that He created
God looked at the world
And thought it needed you
He dug down
Deep into the depths of His creativeness
And said
              Let Us make…
              In Our own image
And suddenly
There was a you
Fearfully and wonderfully made
God woven
In your mother’s womb
Predestined for greatness
Chosen
He ordered the steps
Of your beautiful feet
For His meticulous plan
Specifically
Needed you

Love you, be blessed – AWS

Stunted

Like many, I’ve had goals that I’ve wanted to accomplish.  Also, like many, I’ve done things in my past that have put the pursuit of my goals on hold.  The thought of knowing that God has given me the ability to get to where I want to be, but I have made decisions that have placed hurdles in front of my goal, is cringeworthy.  The fear of facing and addressing these decisions literally paralyzed me for years.  With the support of my wife, I was encouraged to fix what I messed up.

The moment that I did, I instantly felt better.  I felt liberated.  It instantly opened up the opportunity for me to fearlessly pursue my life long goals.  But then something happened.  I received notification that I needed to do more to make amends for my bad decisions.  That kind of threw a wrench in my plans, slowing the process but not stop the progress. 

I’m proud of the steps that I have taken, both to right my wrongs and towards my dreams.  In a few months, I’ll be the published author that I’ve wanted to be.  I’ll be the businessman that I said I was going to be when I was fourteen.  I won’t have the past darkening my present while delaying my future.  I encourage any and everyone who have past discretions that they need to atone for, make right on them.  The liberation that you will feel is too great to describe in words. 

We’re all in the process of becoming something greater.  Hurdles that we have personally placed in our path can be removed.  I challenge you to move beyond your fears to bask in the beauty of freedom.  I look forward to hearing your story just as much as I look forward to penning mine.  Go get yours!

Love you, be blessed! – AWS

Jumbled

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I’ve been trying to write all week. In every attempt, I find that my thoughts and words are jumbled. There is so much that I want to say. There is so much that I need to say. When I try, everything comes out as an incoherent thought. It’s like, I go all around the subject but never able to settle on a central theme.

It’s both baffling and frustrating. I don’t know if I’m being silenced. I don’t know if I’m silencing myself. I don’t know if I’m supposed to take an unwanted hiatus (again). I do know that I’ve just started being consistent, and I love the feeling of it. Is the jumble something that I try to push through, or succumb to until the words begin to flow fluently again?

Either way, I come away with one simple prayer. “Lord, please un-jumble my thoughts! Grant me the spirit of completion. Let the words flow fluently again. In Jesus’ Name, amen.”

Love you, be blessed – AWS

Incomplete

I felt like sharing today. So on today, I’m doing a double post. The beauty in writing is that a writer can write from any perspective. Hope you all enjoy!

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You’re my child
You love me complete
Wanting to fully reciprocate
Though I’m inept
I remember your conception
It didn’t come in the traditional sense
I was raped by your father
And haven’t been the same since
Bringing you into this world was a struggle
Though the labor pains were far less
Than the night you were developed
Loving you isn’t pure
At times
I feel that
In loving you
I am granting vindication
For him violating me
This terrorizing feeling
Is what makes a mother’s love
Incomplete
I should be better for
You
Are blameless
Supposed to be loves prize
I’ll forever apologize
For the duality you see
In my eyes

Love you, be blessed – AWS

My Life

It’s funny how God works. I made a request that God would grant me the gift of writing. He did that. As a result, I committed to writing whatever He told me to write. Back around 2008, God sat me down to write the passage below. I honestly thought that this would be the poem used for me whenever I am called home. However, it recently became clear that this piece wasn’t for me. It was for my brother. I shared this on his celebration program. Now, I share with you.

If I have touched one soul
My life was not in vain
If I’ve encouraged someone to try again after a fail
My life was not in vain
If I’ve given hope through the words I have spoken
My life was no in vain
If someone reached their breakthrough from the words I’ve wrote
My life was no in vain 
If through my songs someone’s spirit was made strong
My life was no in vain 
If I don’t utter another word, but someone’s life was changed by what they heard
My life was no in vain 
So if by fate you don’t see me tomorrow
Please don’t shed a tear of sorrow
Because through all the works that God ordained
I rest assured that my life was not lived in vain

Love you, be blessed – AWS

Futures Depend On Me (You)

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My first post of the year comes from a life altering thought that came at the end of last year.

I was blessed to go on a much-needed vacation a few weeks ago.  While there, I’m watching my kids play in the pool and the thought comes to me.  Futures are depending on me.  I see them in that statement, but I also see outside of them in that statement. We’re in pursuit of our purpose, but how many futures are attached to us fulfilling our purpose?  A very sobering thought in my opinion.

You fulfilling what was breathed into you will be the breath of life (figuratively) to so many others. Follow your dreams and heart, so that you can aid others in fulfilling theirs.

Love you, be blessed – AWS

Pick Up The Pieces

It’s funny, I had something completely different ready to post. But life and circumstance has a way of changing things. I’m sure what I had will be shared in the future. However, this to me, seems way more important.

I choose this image because it makes me smile, laugh even. That is something that I so desperately need right now. Yet, despite the smile or laughter that I get from viewing this picture, I get no smiles from what I’m currently writing. This year, 2020 has been a very different year. In my last post, I spoke about despite the challenges of this year, I lost nothing and no one near to me. Well apparently, I spoke too soon.

One of my goals in writing is to be as transparent as possible. On Christmas afternoon my brother passed away due to Covid. To know me is to know that I am not one who shows emotions on any level. However, when this passing of my brother was confirmed, it broke me. I literally fell to the ground crying the most anguished cry. In fact, I’ve shed more tears within the past 48 hours than I have in my 41 years of life.

This hurts! All of my memories in life involve him. But I can’t make this all about me. My brother has a wife and kids. He has a mother and our eldest brother that will never have the privilege of seeing or hearing him again. In this, one asks a plethora of questions. One that remains in my head is, how do we pick up the pieces? How do we as his brothers, our mother, his wife and kids proceed from here? The phrase, “Life goes on”, though true seems beyond insensitive at this exact moment. Yet, the reality is, in spite of his passing, for us and so many others, life goes on. But it’s different.

My brother has blessed many people. He has had a positive impact on so many. When I see the out pour of love from those who were blessed to be in his presence, one can’t help but smile. Even beyond life, he continues to inspire. How does one remain sad, with all of the good that has been provided? It hurts. It’s not easy. However, even in writing this, I know that he did what he set out to do from the start. His goal was to always leave a legacy. Those that love him will say on one hand, “He is gone too soon.” But on the other hand, we can equally say, “What more could he have done?”

So again the question is posed, “How do we pick up the pieces?” We do so by honoring him. We do so by keeping his legacy alive. We honor him by following in the huge footsteps that he left behind. We honor him by continually sharing our memories of him. My brother loved everyone. He was kind to everyone. He gave to everyone. My brother… You are loved. You are missed. You left your mark. Your legacy will continue.

Love you Q!

– AWS

Year of Correction

At the end of 2019, I was having a conversation with my friend, my brother, Phil.  We were conversing about the year of 2020.  We, just as I’m sure many other people were was talking about what the year 2020 would mean.  All up to the beginning of 2020, you heard the cliches.  2020 the year of Vision.  My Vision and any other play on vision that a person could think of.  However, I told my bro, that I don’t see a year of vision for 2020, I see a year of correction.  I said, there are a lot of things that aren’t right, and this year will expose that, and people (I) will have to correct them before the good that people want will come. 

In 2020, America was publicly exposed for being who it has always been.  We’ve seen a year of unrest due to the racism that has always been at the heart of America.  The world has seen that we aren’t as United as we want people to believe.

We’ve gone (going) through a pandemic that has taken many loved ones away from us.  My condolences to all that have lost anyone during this season.  We’ve gone through a shutdown that exposed how strong or weak the family dynamic is.  There is so many experiences that we could talk about for 2020, but it’s not enough time for that. 

Again, in talking to my friend, we discussed 2020 being a year of correction.  One of the main things that was corrected in my opinion is the Spirit of Gratitude.  This fading year has shown us what is truly important in life.  We have grown closer to our families.  We’ve learned to appreciation the present of the present.  We’ve learned that the phrase, tomorrow is not promised is totally accurate. 

This fleeing year has given us a greater appreciation of creativity.  We’ve had to develop creative ways to interact with family and friends. We’ve learned new ways of finding entertainment.  Many have taken great advantage of this slowed down time to learn new skills.  To better enhance their crafts.  Many have learned how to simply live. 

For me, 2020 was truly a year of correction.  I had to actually face somethings that I had been scared to face.  These things were holding back my growth and the growth of my family.  In facing these issues, I can’t say that the fear went away immediately, but I can in facing them I experienced joy.  It’s great to not have things hanging over my head any longer.  Now I am able to do the things that God has called me to do freely.  I’m grateful for this year of Correction.  I am grateful for a renewed Spirit of Gratitude.  I am grateful that in a year where many loss so much that God sustained me and everything around me.  I’m grateful for growth and freedom.  I can see 2021 being a year of rebuilding or rebirth.  I pray that in the year to come that we call can rise through the ashes as a phoenix.

Love you, be blessed – AWS