Pick Up The Pieces

It’s funny, I had something completely different ready to post. But life and circumstance has a way of changing things. I’m sure what I had will be shared in the future. However, this to me, seems way more important.

I choose this image because it makes me smile, laugh even. That is something that I so desperately need right now. Yet, despite the smile or laughter that I get from viewing this picture, I get no smiles from what I’m currently writing. This year, 2020 has been a very different year. In my last post, I spoke about despite the challenges of this year, I lost nothing and no one near to me. Well apparently, I spoke too soon.

One of my goals in writing is to be as transparent as possible. On Christmas afternoon my brother passed away due to Covid. To know me is to know that I am not one who shows emotions on any level. However, when this passing of my brother was confirmed, it broke me. I literally fell to the ground crying the most anguished cry. In fact, I’ve shed more tears within the past 48 hours than I have in my 41 years of life.

This hurts! All of my memories in life involve him. But I can’t make this all about me. My brother has a wife and kids. He has a mother and our eldest brother that will never have the privilege of seeing or hearing him again. In this, one asks a plethora of questions. One that remains in my head is, how do we pick up the pieces? How do we as his brothers, our mother, his wife and kids proceed from here? The phrase, “Life goes on”, though true seems beyond insensitive at this exact moment. Yet, the reality is, in spite of his passing, for us and so many others, life goes on. But it’s different.

My brother has blessed many people. He has had a positive impact on so many. When I see the out pour of love from those who were blessed to be in his presence, one can’t help but smile. Even beyond life, he continues to inspire. How does one remain sad, with all of the good that has been provided? It hurts. It’s not easy. However, even in writing this, I know that he did what he set out to do from the start. His goal was to always leave a legacy. Those that love him will say on one hand, “He is gone too soon.” But on the other hand, we can equally say, “What more could he have done?”

So again the question is posed, “How do we pick up the pieces?” We do so by honoring him. We do so by keeping his legacy alive. We honor him by following in the huge footsteps that he left behind. We honor him by continually sharing our memories of him. My brother loved everyone. He was kind to everyone. He gave to everyone. My brother… You are loved. You are missed. You left your mark. Your legacy will continue.

Love you Q!

– AWS

Year of Correction

At the end of 2019, I was having a conversation with my friend, my brother, Phil.  We were conversing about the year of 2020.  We, just as I’m sure many other people were was talking about what the year 2020 would mean.  All up to the beginning of 2020, you heard the cliches.  2020 the year of Vision.  My Vision and any other play on vision that a person could think of.  However, I told my bro, that I don’t see a year of vision for 2020, I see a year of correction.  I said, there are a lot of things that aren’t right, and this year will expose that, and people (I) will have to correct them before the good that people want will come. 

In 2020, America was publicly exposed for being who it has always been.  We’ve seen a year of unrest due to the racism that has always been at the heart of America.  The world has seen that we aren’t as United as we want people to believe.

We’ve gone (going) through a pandemic that has taken many loved ones away from us.  My condolences to all that have lost anyone during this season.  We’ve gone through a shutdown that exposed how strong or weak the family dynamic is.  There is so many experiences that we could talk about for 2020, but it’s not enough time for that. 

Again, in talking to my friend, we discussed 2020 being a year of correction.  One of the main things that was corrected in my opinion is the Spirit of Gratitude.  This fading year has shown us what is truly important in life.  We have grown closer to our families.  We’ve learned to appreciation the present of the present.  We’ve learned that the phrase, tomorrow is not promised is totally accurate. 

This fleeing year has given us a greater appreciation of creativity.  We’ve had to develop creative ways to interact with family and friends. We’ve learned new ways of finding entertainment.  Many have taken great advantage of this slowed down time to learn new skills.  To better enhance their crafts.  Many have learned how to simply live. 

For me, 2020 was truly a year of correction.  I had to actually face somethings that I had been scared to face.  These things were holding back my growth and the growth of my family.  In facing these issues, I can’t say that the fear went away immediately, but I can in facing them I experienced joy.  It’s great to not have things hanging over my head any longer.  Now I am able to do the things that God has called me to do freely.  I’m grateful for this year of Correction.  I am grateful for a renewed Spirit of Gratitude.  I am grateful that in a year where many loss so much that God sustained me and everything around me.  I’m grateful for growth and freedom.  I can see 2021 being a year of rebuilding or rebirth.  I pray that in the year to come that we call can rise through the ashes as a phoenix.

Love you, be blessed – AWS

Falling Short

Which is worse, disappointing others, or disappointing self?  A very perplexing question, right?  The fact of the matter is, we all will fall short.  We will disappoint someone or oneself at some point in life.  The thought of this, at times can be too much to bear.  Those of you that have read my writings for any length of time may have come across post of me talking about what I want, or what I’m going to do.  I would like to believe that you are both excited and hopeful about my renewed sense of purpose.  Only to find a few weeks later that my promise of future posts are nowhere to be found.  If I have disappointed you, I say from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry.  I too share in that same disappointment of broken promises. 

Still, here I am again, once again making another promise to allow my presence to be present.  If I can be completely transparent with you, I struggle with two things.  I struggle with procrastination and consistency.  Both are detrimental to keeping a promise.  Both prevent any kind of positive growth.  In one of my most popular posts, Growth vs Comfort, I talk about how the decision for growth can be made by us or for us.  When being in our comfort zones becomes too uncomfortable for us we will seek out growth.

This is the exact position that I am in today.  For far too long, I’ve been too stagnant, too laxed in utilizing the gift given me.  The very fact that I am here, means the world has something to benefit from me.  The very fact that you are here, means that the world has something to benefit from you.  Lately, I’ve been asking myself, “Whose life is being stunted, because I’m not doing what I am called to do?”  I know that is a ginormous thought, and I don’t pose the question arrogantly.  If it weren’t for the people in my life doing what they are called to do, there is no telling where or what I’d be today.  The fact of the matter is, we are held accountable for our gifts, for our callings. 

We all fall short.  Though falling short is understandable, we too must understand that there is a cost to it.  And again, that is a heavy thought, but we can’t allow it to weigh us down.  We must accept it and decide to do better.  That decision is where I am at today.  I give each of you permission to hold me accountable.  If you don’t see me, challenge me.  Ask me why I am not being consistent.  Encourage me to not disappoint myself or others.  If you see me falling short, extend your hand to help me back up. 

Love you, be blessed – AWS

Seeing Vs Vision

My wife calls me a dreamer.  I’m not big on titles, but I’m good with that one.  Also, I agree with that one.  I’m at a crossroad in life.  I see where I am, and I don’t like the sight.  So, I question myself, “How do I move beyond where I am now?”  The answer came in two parts.  First, I must move beyond what my eyes see, and move towards the visions of my heart and mind.   

“What’s the difference?”, one might ask.  Great question!  Because we have a certain mastery of language, we often understand the meaning of a word, but our understanding grows sharper when we actually look words up.  I went to www.dictionary.com to view the definition of the word “SEE”.  The site defines it as: See = To perceive with the eyes; look at.  To view; visit or attend as a spectator.  Now with that definition, allow me to break down my previous statement further.  The latter part of the aforementioned definition says, “To view; visit or attend as a spectator.  Think about sports.  There are many positions or roles a person can find themselves in regarding sports.  One can be the athlete, coach, trainer, or referee.  One could be the announcer, videographer, ball person, or security.  However, there is one role that the majority of the population will find themselves in, that is the role of the spectator.  Depending on what the spectator sees, they may boo, cheer, or critique.  Though, whatever the spectator does, it has very little impact on the game. 

As a spectator, I see where I am.  I see where I’ve been.  There are a few things that I am able to cheer for.  But there is a greater portion that I boo and critique.  Just as the spectator of a game, my actions have done very little to change the outcome of what, or where I want to be.  Therefore, if I want change, I must shift from what I see to vision.

I went back to www.dictionary.com to look up VISION, and I love how they define it.  They define VISION as: The act or power of sensing with the eyes; sight.  The act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be.  An experience in which a personage, thing, or event appears vividly or credibly to the mind, although not actually present, often under the influence of a divine or other agency.

There is so much that one can pull from these definitions.  I particularly love the second and third definitions.  I had to transition from being a spectator with little to no impact, to a visionary that could write the vision of what is to come.  Thus, the conclusion of my original statement, “…and move towards the visions of my heart and mind.”  

I am a firm believer in God.  I understand that in creating us, He has put something specific in us that makes our hearts sing.  I also understand that most, for a plethora of reasons, never get to their singing heart.  Being that my current field of work is not anything that moves or inspires me, my present heart isn’t singing.  However, the anticipation of things appearing vividly and credibly to my mind, although not actually present, both my future heart driven by present vision is crooning songs of joy.

But remember I said my answer came in two parts.  Vision, much like faith, has to be coupled with works in order for situations to change.  So, I mentally mapped out the vision.  I physically had to write out the vision.  I audibly had to speak the vision.  Now, I’m at the point of putting action behind the vision.  As I (hopefully, we) embark on the journey to a crooning heart, I don’t anticipate it to be a seamless transition.  It would be nice, but that’s unrealistic.  There will be times of falling short, and potentially discouragements.  But I speak overcoming over all of us who are coupling works with our visions.  May we find the strength to endure, and see our journeys to completion.  Now get busy!

Love you, be blessed – AWS